China Cheats Like Mad Bastard Before Olympics Even Begin

You know, just the other day, I was out at a Cece’s Pizza (motto: Dude, why are you eating at a Cece’s Pizza anyway?  This place is for eight year olds–unless you’re just really cheap.)  (submotto:  Yes of COURSE i’m cheap.  I’m a professional blogger, dumbass.) when I caught a bit of televised local news about the current medal count in the Olympics.  At the time, China managed to somehow get more than double the number of gold medals of its closest competitor, and was actually looking to outscore the next three countries COMBINED.

Now, considering that China is the host country of the Olympics, someone by now is crying that the fix is in. But interestingly enough, the Chinese government has actually already ADMITTED to cheating its proverbial heinie off before they even set foot on the field.

China has justified its decision to include computer-generated scenes of fireworks “footprints” and use a nine-year-old girl to lip-sync a recording by a seven-year-old during Friday’s opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. The actual fireworks display, it said, could not have been presented live because haze over Beijing would have obscured the spectacle (the virtual fireworks were reportedly made to look more realistic by adding “camera shake”). Reports also indicated that 15 minutes before the ceremonies were to begin, 7-year-old Yang Peiji was replaced on stage by 9-year-old Lin Miaoke, who then lip-synced Yang’s recording of “I Sing for My Country” as China’s flag enter the stadium. In an interview with Beijing Radio, Chen Qigang, the ceremonies’ musical director, said that the switch was made “for the nation’s interest. The child on camera should be flawless in image, internal feelings, and expression.” But UC Berkeley Professor Xiao Qiang told Bloomberg News today (Wednesday), “People feel like they eat a great meal and later on you tell them there was a fly in it.”

See, yeah… we know the Chinese went just all out to put their best foot forward, but when you’ve got to resort to lip synching and camera tricks to make things look better before you even start competing, it really gives a black eye to the whole concept of the Olympics.

The fireworks are one thing–you could’ve just shot them off over the South China Sea or even just out in a rural location where the smog isn’t so prevalent.  Adding digital fixes later is just poor form.  But the whole business with the singing children is just kind of crazy.  Basically, they replaced the children because the seven year old was insufficiently pretty to bring off the part, but apparently, the pretty child couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket so they had to use the recording from the talented ugly little girl in order to build a kind of special hybrid child.

Eventually, China will start doing this full time. The whole idea of “eugenics” had to be invented with China in mind, and hopefully, some enterprising soul will create a horror movie around this where the Chinese invent the most beautiful talented little girl on earth and eventually she destroys China by hacking her way into orbital defense satellites and turning the whole place into a glowing slag heap.  Picture a combination of Once Upon A Time In China combined with V for Vendetta and a little bit of Dr. Strangelove and you’ve got the general idea.

And until someone steals my idea and puts it into production, enjoy the rest of the reality tv trivia on Kwanzoo.

9 thoughts on “China Cheats Like Mad Bastard Before Olympics Even Begin

  1. Oh hey, that also reminds me, apparently this sort of thing is so common as to be unremarkable in Chinese tv productions. We were going through Condor Hero with the one Chinese speaker in the audience attempting to smooth out the terrible subtitles and the plot elements that they omitted. In the show, and in apparently EVERY show, the stars get dubbed over, period. You’ve got a handsome actor, but he probably doesn’t have the best voice, so you replace it. Kind of like how ugly CG puppets are now so ubiquitous in Hollywood pictures that they’re not worth noticing, I guess.

  2. In the gymnastics and diving but more so in the gynasticts China cheated. I hope those who wrong others get their punishment and retribution to the wronged. As for me I no longer respect China they can do this or that, they stink and have bad hearts as a nation. They are racist and I object their oppression or the olympic spirit. They have no shame, at least I look forward to seeing London where good sportmanship will difinitely be a sharp contrast from this debacle. I truly hope the rest of world shares this view and together in universal subconciousness acknowledge this olympics as a complete travesty of justice to us, the people of the world, and something we hold dear as humans, that is the veracity of human acheivement in the manner beholding of the true olympic spirit. Let their be light over darkness, morality over immoraity and most of all truth over untruth.

  3. Hey now, Johan–the Chinese people themselves are actually fairly solid. Their government sucks sour frog ass, but the people themselves are mostly standup, nice folks. It’s their government that’s pulling all these stunts and making them look bad on the world stage. Just like old George did to us.

  4. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? After all, Korean girl…I don’t see you as a diminutive power-mad lunatic or a raging appeaser who’ll pardon every corrupt corporation in sight. The foibles of our leaders are NOT our foibles. I stand behind that firmly–after all, for every leader in office there’s a goodish percentage of the country that wanted nothing at all to do with him. Or her. Remember, not even Lee Myung-bak took office by a simple majority–he needed to get in on plurality with forty-eight percent of the vote. How can we be who represents us,as you assert, when in many cases, our leaders don’t represent US, but simply a sufficiently large PORTION of us?

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